Being Elizabeth In A Lydia World

Allow me to step on my literary soapbox for a moment. There are few books I really love, and even less of which I think well. The more I read in the literary world, the more I am dissatisfied with it. Too many pages are not worth the paper they’re printed on.

Pride and Prejudice is one of the few chick-lit books I feel comfortable reading. It is a truth universally acknowledged that Jane Austen’s work is a classic of gigantic proportions. Countless writers have quoted Austen and attempted to mimic her style (as I unashamedly do now.)

However, it is not her style that brings me back for more Pride and Prejudice. The characters are what catch my imagination—notably that of Elizabeth Bennett. She’s been dubbed the best female character ever penned, but I think I’ve stumbled onto an overlooked truth about Miss Elizabeth: she is incomplete. It wasn’t Elizabeth’s sparkling personality that carried Austen’s book into history. She’s actually quite dull by herself. What made Elizabeth a superstar in classic literature was her foil.

A “foil” is a literary term meaning, “One that by contrast underscores or enhances the distinctive characteristics of another.” A foil is a character possessing traits that are opposite from the main character, therefore illuminating the main character’s fine qualities.

What immortal Jane Austen character have we forgotten? None other than Lydia Bennett. Wild, boisterous, flirtatious and immature—Elizabeth’s youngest sister is only remembered for being, well, horrible. We don’t like this character. To put it kindly, she’s annoying; but at the core, Lydia lacks modesty.

To some, “modesty” is another antiquated word from Austen’s era. To others, it may be commonly used but rarely understood. Properly defined, modesty is the special combination of unpretentiousness and discretion; it is a desire not to draw undue attention to self. Chew for a minute on what Webster’s 1828 states:

“…modesty springs no less from principle than from feeling, and is manifested by retiring, unobtrusive manners, assuming less to itself than others are willing to yield, and conceding to others are all due honor and respect, or even more than they expect or require….In females, modesty has the like character as in males; but the word is used also as synonymous with chastity, or purity of manners. In this sense, modesty results from purity of mind, or from the fear of disgrace and ignominy fortified by education and principle.”

What makes Elizabeth Bennett so special? Compared to her sister’s immodesty, we admire her self-control. She’s characterized by quiet good sense—not a desire to be noticed. Therefore, we notice her.

The contrast between Elizabeth and Lydia symbolizes the choice we must make. Modesty or flaunting? Humility or attention demanding? Which is adorned in “the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious?” (1 Peter 3:4) Most of all, which character am I? It’s a question for the heart---one I must bring to God daily—and the reason I keep coming back to Pride and Prejudice time and time again.

Part One/Part Two


Note: No, that deja-vu feeling doesn't mean you're crazy. This is a revised post from 2006.

We Were Innocent Once...And Young

“Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should.” That’s a bit of homespun wisdom the Gold Coast Fashion Week might have benefited from hearing before choosing Maddison Gabriel, a twelve year old model to represent the Australian fashion event. Job requirements include a willingness to don some skimpy gowns, which has sent child protection advocates in uproar. The Prime Minister himself responded in indignation, stating “There should be age limits, I mean there has to be, we do have to preserve some notion of innocence in our society.”

The girl-model insists otherwise. "I believe that I can fit into women's clothes, I can model women's clothes, so I should be able to do it.” Maddison declared adamantly, "I'm not going to change my dreams. I know I want to be an international model. All this fuss is just silly."

Her mother, Michelle Gabriel, shared her daughter’s opinion. "I believe the Prime Minister is getting very doddery.” She elaborated, "He does not know exactly what 13 and 14-year-old girls are like. I used to vote for him. We're trying to get our teenage daughters to act older. I am so happy that I've got a daughter who has got a good head on her shoulders."

• Do you think there’s a difference between acting older and losing one’s innocence? Where is the line drawn between the two? (Parents, it would be wonderful to hear your perspective as well.)

Quotations and photograph of Ms. Gabriel courtesy of The Daily Mail and The Herald Sun.

Convicted In The Dark

Shakespeare, Galileo, Milton, Kepler, David; each wrote of the stars. Some in verse, some in scientific essays—all in wonder. However numerous their mention, have you noticed stars never grow cliché? Scientifically speaking, we know these orbs are only the gaseous dustballs of the universe with no potential to support human life, and yet staring at them sends us into a speechless stupor.

Lord Byron, a poet rarely caught without a quip, could not begin to describe them: “Ye stars! Which are the poetry of heaven! ….for ye are a beauty and a mystery, and create in us such love and reverence from afar.”

Unfortunately for me, my thoughts seldom reach as high as the heavens. My thoughts tend to stick to the solid, predictable and unoffending ground. What will I do after highschool? Do I pursue a degree? Do I take a job? Where? When? Is this right? Will God allow me to feel His Presence or must I trust blindly? Must I continue fumbling in the dark, groping for a light switch? How much longer?

But when the lights are off, the stars are easier to see. Galileo admitted, “I've loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.” Maybe that’s the wiser perspective.

Isaiah wanted us to adopt this view when he cried, “Do you not know? Have you not heard? Has it not been told you from the beginning?” Finger pointed to the sky, the wizened prophet must have shouted in half-zeal, half-reverence. “Lift your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name. Because of His great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing.” (Isaiah 40:21, 26)

When attempting to figure out my future, I used to feel stuck in the dark; but I’m now of the opinion that “in the dark” should no longer be a synonym for ignorance and confusion. Instead, it’s a doorway into clarity. In the absence of man-made lamps, which illuminate at my command, I’m powerless. I can’t trust myself. Reflection is all I have to do. It’s time to count the stars and laugh at my smallness; remembering that the God who leads constellations through infinity can guide me, too.

Mournful Tidings

Every single year, with terrible infallibility, one fatal day looms up on the horizon. September fourteenth. Ah, the relentless cruelty of time! A savage blow has been dealt to my heart, for another year of life has passed, and I must bear witness to the aging of a most dear and precious friend.

Today, my friends, is the day that Hannah was born… so very, very long ago.

She is now, quite officially, dreadfully ancient. You do not believe me. It is true—she is so exceedingly old that I must hold up almost four hands to show her age. Kristin and I have dressed in sackcloth for the grievous occasion, and I have a pile of ashes on my head. Alas! For she is… seventeen summers old.

I know the unspeakable anguish that you are feeling as you read. My friends, do not attempt to quench your sorrow. Instead, join with me as we grieve for Hannah, as is only fitting.

My eyes are swimming with tears, as I fondly recall the days of Hannah's youth. How can I ever forget her favorite stuffed monkey, Albert, with the bald spot above his ear from all the nights she lovingly stroked his little head? Or the adorable way she would stick out her lower lip, when she didn’t get what she wanted? How can I ever erase the image from my mind of little Hannah, swinging her legs on a stool as she sipped a glass of chocolate milk and munched on a cookie before bed? Her milk moustache communicated everything more eloquently than a thousand words could ever do. I will always smile when I remember her wearing those fuzzy purple slippers that made the squeaking noise, as she skipped blithely into the kitchen—still holding Albert by the tail. These memories are priceless, and they will remain with me forever. But now, those precious days are never to be seen again. Albert was surrendered to the dog as a chew toy just last week, and her favorite drink is now a mocha latte. The tears are falling onto my keyboard more rapidly now, but I will not quell this poignant expression of my misery. Oh, how I remember all the joyous times we spent together, when she was still young! How clearly I can see her now in my mind’s eye, on her sixteenth birthday, the day that we first met face-to-face!

And yet, in spite of this unpreventable tragedy, Hannah, know that we will always remain your bosom friends, until the very end of time.

On behalf of Kristin, and all the readers of this blog: we are so sorry, Hannah.

UPDATE: And...in honor of this special day, BftH has decided to crash. We don't know why and we hope it shall return soon.

Around The Blogs In 80 Seconds...Really.

Can one write a blog post in 80 seconds? We’ll see. Clock starting...now.

Over at Zealous Endeavor, Brian Whalen tells of finding the glory of God in an unlikely place—a Calculus class.

Speed over to the Boundless blog and check out Suzanne Hadley’s thoughts. She says she’s sick of hearing about inner beauty to boost self esteem, and thinks that maybe if Christ were the focus, and not our self esteem, more inner beauty would exist. Hmm…food for thought.

If you live in the Indianapolis area, don’t forget to get tickets to The Rebelution’s Indianapolis conference this weekend.

Mission accomplished.

UPDATE: Whoops. I forgot to mention that Kristin will be at The Rebelution's Indy conference, so if you're attending, be sure to say "hi!"

Real Living

Could it be, that God does not merely show the path to life,

but is life?

• "I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life, that you and your offspring may live, loving the LORD your God, obeying His voice and holding fast to Him, for He is your life..." -Deuteronomy 30:19-20
• Jesus said to him, 'I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.'" -John 14:6
• Father, the hour has come; glorify Your Son that the Son may glorify You, since You have given Him authority over all flesh, to give eternal life to all whom You have given Him. And this is eternal life, that they know You the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent." -John 17:1-3. (Italics mine.)

One does not simply get eternal life by knowing God. He is life. Knowing Him is knowing the fountain which spills over with life, and knowing Him intimately is diving more deeply into real living.

“I want to know God like this! Shove me under the waterfall of the Trinity’s joy, which splashes and spills over heaven’s walls. If He’s always in a good mood, I want to catch it. If I’m lost, I want Him to find me. Part the heavens, Lord, come down, kick aside the money tables, trash the ‘Don’t Touch’ rules and embrace me.”- Joni Eareckson Tada & Steve Estes' When God Weeps.

Saying Goodbye to Victoria (and Bob)

Meet Victoria. She is fluent in four romantic languages and quotes Tennyson at the drop of a hat. While tossing together a gourmet breakfast, Victoria doesn't sweat; she glistens. Demure and reserved, showing an "inordinate" amount of emotion is not something she does. Ever. Even her laughter is like the tinkling of silver bells--never a loud belly laugh--and her smile is neither too distant nor too sincere. Her true opinion is rarely shared, for propriety is valued at all costs. In her spare time, she rivals Monet with her painting. She is everything that is appropriate, everything that is elegant, everything that is refined. Victoria is... a "lady."

Perhaps Victoria's only fault is her unfortunate relation. Standing in stark contrast with Victoria's perfections, is her cousin: Bob. Bob is a girl. She chose a male nickname for herself because she did not wish to be recognized as a part of a gender discriminating society. (Sometimes, she wishes she were a boy.) She attends a college where she is majoring in Women's Studies. In accordance with the free-thinking ways of a post-feminist culture (and following the ideas of her college professor), Bob believes that femininity is a myth, and traditional family values are the leftovers of some dictatorial, man-ruled society from the past. Strong, independent, self-sufficient, Bob is... an "Amazon."

These two "cousins" are caricatures. They both represent extreme ideas of womanhood. Victoria is a portrayal of--you guessed it--the Victorian image of a lady. Bob is a painting of the ideal young feminist. Which of these disagrees with the Biblical standard of womanhood? Resources abound with messages on thinking Biblically in the area of finances, marriage, and raising children. And yet, when it comes to biblical womanhood, the silence is palpable and the water is murky.

When asked to define femininity, we tend to stumble over our words because we don't know where to start. Our conceptions of what defines a woman are often based off preconceived notions or the predominant view of our culture. In order to understand what womanhood really is, however, we cannot turn to either Victoria or Bob. Neither have the answer.

Bob's beliefs are a blatant rebellion to what God desires from His female members of creation. On the most basic level, God created women to love being women. Bob doesn't. Regarding the differences between men and women, Bob lives in denial. She has allowed her identity to be formed by a feminist culture, not God.

If we do not meet "Bob's" every day, we at least witness the fingerprints they have left in the world. The influence of feminism is undeniable. Yet Victoria's gloved prints are often less easily discerned. Sometimes we may even confuse Victoria with Biblical womanhood.

Victoria has qualities which are admirable. A sense of propriety and good manners are commendable attributes. And who wouldn't want to know four romantic languages? However, imagine Victoria in a situation where she is under pressure. Picture her as a mother with children demanding attention. When the children squabble, or disrupt the order and cleanliness of her parlor, Victoria's patience evaporates immediately. She can teach her children French, and she will ensure that each of them handles a fork and knife properly by the age of three, but she does not endeavor to cultivate in her children a passion for their Maker. Victoria’s delicate hands, so adept over harp strings and piano keys, are not practiced in the art of serving. The hours she spent painting and memorizing poetry are never to be seen again. Her life is in turmoil.

Do you see how Victoria’s femininity falls apart? She's an empty shell of a woman because elegance was her identity. She is all icing, no cake. Although Victoria’s housekeeping and linguistic accomplishments may gracefully accompany godly womanhood, they cannot replace godly womanhood. Important attributes of womanhood are not ballroom dancing lessons or scone-baking skills; it’s the spiritual accomplishment of growing with God daily that matters.

God doesn't set Victoria or Bob before us as role models. He gave us someone different.

Allow me to introduce Christina. If you noticed her on the street then you would be quite observant; she isn't one to vie for attention. Her clothing is finely made, yet not ostentatious. Christina works hard around the house and occasionally outside of it, all for the sake of her beloved family. From girlhood she has endeavored to honor her future husband by fighting diligently for purity in her heart. Partially as a result of her steady support, Christina's husband is now a highly respected man in the community. She's beautiful too, in a lasting way. Youthfulness has long since faded from Christina's face, but her husband says, "Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all." As outward beauty has deteriorated, her inner beauty has only shined brighter. She is a living testimony to the words, "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."

Does she remind you of anyone? Most likely you’ve figured out that she isn’t like Victoria or Bob—characters we imagined to portray different ideas of womanhood. Christina is different. She is a character from the imagination of God. Although she’s unnamed in the Bible, we often nickname her “The Proverbs 31 Woman.” She's the standard God has set.

It doesn’t require a degree in Women’s Studies or experience in finishing school to discover the purpose of femininity. Everything needed for a thorough grasp is tucked in the pages of the Bible. Surprising? It shouldn’t be. After all, wouldn’t the One who created us know why He did?

Hannah and Lindsey